Sugar and Spice and All Things Nice

I decided on the title to this blog because, as I considered the topic on my mind, I thought of this silly Mother Goose rhyme from my childhood.  I'm sure that as soon as you looked at the title you automatically thought of the question that precedes this response, which is, "What are girls made of?"  Based on a quick Google search of this nursery rhyme, it appears that its origins date back to the 19th century.  Thus, for quite a long while, young girls have heard that they are made of sugar and spice and all things nice.  Meanwhile, boys have learned that they are made of snips and snails and puppy dog tails (side note: I always thought the rhyme said "snakes" instead of "snips.").

Given this rhyme and many other opinions regarding the differences between the sexes, I suppose that I should not be surprised when people talk about how Henley must want to have her nails painted because she is a girl or automatically wants to carry a purse because all little girls want to carry a purse.  Now, it is true that Henley is intrigued by painted toenails when she sees them -- probably because she has never seen my fingernails or toenails painted (or her dad's for that matter).  I don't have anything against painting nails.  In fact, several years ago I painted my nails quite frequently; however, I really don't have any desire to paint them right now.  The polish always chips away from fingernails too quickly, and my big toenails seem to have some sensitivity to nail polish.  I guess what surprises me is the automatic assumption that Henley wants to have her nails painted and that she wants them painted because she is a girl.  It would seem that both toddler girls and toddler boys would find nail polish interesting because it's usually colorful, and they are learning all about colors during this stage.  Nail polish also makes body parts about which they are learning look different.  Thus, I would think that little boys would be just as happy to have their nails painted as little girls would be.

With regard to purses, I have read many times in developmental literature about how toddlers enjoy going through bags that contain lots of different items in them.  Thus, I would bet that little girls and little boys would equally enjoy rummaging through a purse or carrying one around that has been filled with items.  At this point, Henley has shown no real interest in carrying a purse, but I imagine that she will at some point.  I actually find purses quite useful and carry mine with me most of the time that I am away from my house.  I'm actually not sure how men get by without them, and I love the episode of Seinfeld about the European carry-all.  I guess the point I'm trying to make is that I find it difficult, if not impossible, to believe that carrying a purse is an innate quality that exists for girls but not for boys.  By watching Henley during the second year of her life, I have seen that toddlers learn so much about their surroundings by observation.  As Henley looks at pictures of children, she tries to figure out which ones are girls and which are boys, and she actually does quite well at it.  When she guesses wrong, I can see her focus on the picture and observe everything about it that she can use to determine that the child is a boy or girl.  In a similar way, if young children only see females carrying a purse, it is likely that they will soon determine that girls carry purses and boys do not.

I sometimes wonder if my mind would be occupied by the same thoughts if I had a little boy instead of a little girl.  Would I wonder why no one cares if he wants to paint his nails or carry a purse?  Would I find statements such as "boys will be boys" as interesting as I find them now?  I'm guessing that the issues I would ponder would differ to a certain extent; however, I'm pretty sure that I still would struggle with societal expectations of infant and toddler behavior based on gender.  While I do believe that some differences between girls and boys are innate, I also believe more and more each day that many are not.